34. Grifters!
Jesus, Mohammed, Joseph Smith, The Bab and Me.
Make Your Own Church!
I adore the Mormon faith - the Church of Latter Day Saints - in a not-entirely mean way. I think they’re hilarious. If you don’t know, they were formed by a known grifter who pretended to have found some gold tablets in some cave. These tablets SHOULD have contained a few more commandments, if you ask me, but instead they told the story of Jesus’ travels in North America, just after his death. PLUS, they had instructions saying how he should start his own version of Christianity AND be the boss. AND nobody else was allowed to see these tablets. Best of all: tons of people believed him.
I always think this particular grifter move is funny. The Christians started it, by going “Hey, we love that Jewish god, but we happen to have acquired some new information, man!” Then the Muslims come along later and do the “new information” trick themselves, incorporating but updating the other two religions. Then the Mormons did it, then the Baha’i did it - they’re all pretty lucky that copyright enforcement wasn’t as lucrative as it is these days. Every time, the “new information” says: “Guess what, guys! In THIS one, our people are the best!” A classic.
Excuse Me, Sir, But -
Their proselytizing is funny to me, too. All those 16-year-old boys named “Elder”? They sort of make me want to punch them, but they’re too cute. Back in the '90s there was a convention of these cats in Toronto, and their little white shirts and backpacks were everywhere, with their automatic little voices chirping, “Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ? Do you have a relationship with Jesus Christ?” It happened at stop lights, in stores, and once, when one of the little dorks dropped something and I picked it up and returned it to him, even then, instead of just the regular “thanks.” I laughed and walked away.
I recently learned, from Ken Burns’ long, long show about the West (very interesting) that they ALL call themselves “saints,” which made me understand how they could overuse and misuse “elder” thusly. They live in a state of hyperbole.
In our year of adventure, we are currently in Yellowstone National Park. Next? Salt Lake City, baby. I look forward to kayaking on that Salt Lake, and may try to get some Elders to join Jeff’s Church. Seems like a good time for it.
Thanks for reading. If you dig this, share it with somebody - I appreciate it every time. Here’s a song.
Love,
jep
JepComix #10 is available for sale despite my imaginary internet store being closed for the year. Find it cheap at: